I have had the honor of working with a number of transgender teens at various stages in their lives and identity development. And let me tell you, all of these people are absolutely incredible. LGBTQIA kids and youth are some of the bravest, most creative, compassionate and wise human beings I have encountered. And that is so within adversity, scrutiny, pressure, bullying, lack of family support, etc.! There are no warriors quite like our LGBTQIA kids.
A few of my teens have helped me to compile a list of helpful tidbits for other gender or sexuality questioning kids and youth!
It’s OKAY to Not Know
It is okay to be unsure of EXACTLY who you are and how you feel. You do not have to define yourself, or chisel a “definition” of yourself in stone. Do you know all the ways humans feel unsure on a regular basis? This is normal. You may not have all the answers yet. Explore, and be kind to yourself!
We are all IN-FLUX
Gender and sexuality are a wide spectrum that is fluid and changing—this is normal. It is not black and white, it is a million shades of incredible rainbow colors. You don’t have to pick a specific place in the gender or sexuality world and vow to stay ONLY there! All people change, evolve, grow and explore. You can apply this to gender and sexuality too. We aren’t robots!
Labels are for Cans
Does a label help you? Awesome—go for it! Does it not feel right? That’s cool too—you don’t have to have one!
Find Your People!
Your people are out there! It is hard to feel different and “other”—work to find your people and supporters, because they are out there!
You are AMAZING
Your ability to be, explore, and express yourself and be exactly who you feel you are is incredible, awe-inspiring and brave. Do not underestimate how significant this is! You are a warrior.
Take Your Time, Babe!
It is okay to not feel ready, to need more time, to feel hesitant in coming out or self-expression. It is a process, and a transition into allowing the world to see you as you are. It can be scary and overwhelming—go at your pace!
No ONE Way
You decide what feels right and what feels comfortable to you. Not definitions, not other people, not “should” and “supposed to”. There is no ONE way to be who you are. You weren’t made wrong, you aren’t defective, you aren’t a burden. Allow yourself to BE however feels right to you—it is okay. You are just right.
It’s Still Hard! There’s Always Safe Help
It’s hard. Guess what? People need people. We all need other humans, and love and support and understanding. There are ALWAYS safe, understanding people you can talk to if you need to talk or need help (whether a trusted adult, therapist, a hotline, or online platform). Growing up is hard. Being a teenager and young adult is hard. It’s ALL hard. It’s even HARDER when you feel isolated, alone, different, unsure, are dealing with bullying or pressure, or feel confusion about who you are. Its okay to need help and support.
Need help now? The Trevor Lifeline is 24/7 1-866-488-7386; The Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860 ; National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255 or TEXT 988 (online chat available too); Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741; The GLBT National Youth Talkline (youth serving youth through age 25): (800) 246-7743
