Hey ya’ll, its Jillayna. Just don’t say the “y”, remember? Jill-anna (I know, I know). So Depression. If you don’t know, I am all about real, no BS talk about Depression, Anxiety and suicide ideation.
Why? Because mental illness is no joke. Depression and hopelessness, questioning your worth, and if you even have the ability or will to live and do normal things—it’s no joke. But you know what? IT HAPPENS. People feel this. And ignoring things doesn’t make it go away, pretending everything is great doesn’t make things go away.
And so, we are going to talk about it, for real. No bullshi*. Today, I’m going to talk about really GETTING and UNDERSTANDING Depression, and the framework I use to discuss it. Truly getting it is the first step in knowing you can beat it. The understanding is the ARMOR. So, Armor up.
Depression is Some CRAP
Depression is a disease. Anxiety is a disease. It is a mental illness. It is physical. It is mental. It is emotional. It is very, very real and you can’t just will your way out of it. You might know this already. And I am so sorry you do. Because it’s awful.
You feel it in your body– your whole body.
Depression and Anxiety are so very physical. Your body hurts. You feel heavy, sometimes like you can literally hardly move yourself. You’ve got dark glasses glued right into your eyeballs. It impacts everything—I know this. It is world-warping. The pain, the physical pain and exhaustion, the darkness, the self-beliefs. The headaches, the nausea. The numbness. Every single thing is hard. Depression is not just “feeling sad”.
You guys, I know.
It’s so real, but the secret is this: Depression will make you believe that IT IS THE WORLD OUT THERE. It will make you think there’s no way out, that this is it. That you live here now.
But, you do not live here now.
When you are Depressed, your thoughts are fogged. And weirdly enough, it’s kind of hard to believe your thoughts are fogged! We tend to think we are finally seeing and experiencing “reality”.
Depression does that. It’s some crap.
Getting it >>> The Funhouse of Horrors >>> The invitation you never wanted>>>
Getting it
Have you ever worn drunk goggles, tried a virtual reality headset, or been in one of those crazy Funhouses with spinning mirrors and lights and uneven floors? In the funhouses, the point is to trick, to disorient. Maybe figures pop out, maybe horror is the goal—you know, those Halloween haunted houses? But whatever the goal, you feel it in that Funhouse. The dizziness, the disorientation, how easy it is to get lost, how hard it is to see, to see straight—to know reality. You are temporarily trapped in a whole different realm—until you can find your way out.
It could be a horror movie, really. I mean, what if you really couldn’t find your way out? What if you really were stuck within those mazes and tunnels and optics? In the literal funhouse, we can’t withstand it all too long, can we?
Depression is like that. You are there, and you are feeling it all. And it is exhausting. Everything you feel is a real experience for your brain and your body.
Let me say that again.
Your body feels this experience. It believes the externals of this experience. The experiences of it is real! You may feel unsteady or dizzy. Your heart may beat differently. Your body may wholeheartedly feel this reality. You may barf. Our body physically responds to this external input.
In the frontal lobe in your brain (the rational part) , you may know that actually— it’s not real. It’s the goggles, the glasses, the VR sim that is warping the externals. You may know you are in a Funhouse. But guys—that doesn’t change the fact that you were feeling and experiencing this reality. That your body was within it.
Depression and Anxiety are very physical experiences that overtake your whole body.
It is an illness that totally changes the way you SEE and FEEL the world! The whole world!
But it’s not the whole world. There is a way out of it.
Imagine that you take off the drunk goggles or the virtual reality headset. You step out of the Funhouse and back onto solid ground.
OH!
You remember what the world really feels like without that fogged up lens. You slowly re-enter yourself and take inventory of your surroundings. Your heart slows to a normal pace, you are steady on your feet. Did you feel what you felt? Do you maybe want to throw up? Was that real? Totally. But your experience wasn’t in the world OUT THERE. Your experience came from the Fog, the Funhouse you unknowingly entered.
This is why I think of Depression, Anxiety and Suicide Ideation as this god-awful Funhouse of Horrors. Because the world is still out there, and even though you have been trapped in the Funhouse, you can get back to it. It’s not as easy as stepping out of a real Funhouse or taking off the VR headset. But, with help, you can come out of it. Sometimes it’s therapy and other support, sometimes it’s medication. There is no shame in any of it.
When the Fogged Brain is Calling the Shots >>> Its Okay to not be Okay >>>
It’s hard to believe and wrap your brain around, I know. But the chemicals and pathways in our brains, they change our reality. Too little of this and that and we will physically feel and experience the world in a very different way. How nuts is that?
And sometimes these chemicals–they are just off. Sometimes they are affected or impacted by something—an event, an experience. And sometimes we are born that way, or it’s in our genes. And that’s ok. We’re not going to shame our friends born with Diabetes or Crohn’s Disease or Epilepsy, are we? We aren’t going to tell them not to take the meds, or that it makes them weak that their body doesn’t “automatically” function in a flawless manner. This is not a character flaw.
And damn, if you do, that’s crappy, right? (Stop that, and be kind.)
So trust me. Believe this. It is okay. It is okay to be out of sync. To need something to help. A lot of us do. The things you don’t know about people because they don’t walk around advertising it—damn, it’s big.
Also?
You can do this. 100%. You can fight Depression and Anxiety and come out on the other side of it. It is hard, but you can do it.
First, you Stay. Kay?
Stay tuned, as I’ll be sharing more of the framework I use for my teens and young adults struggling with Depression, Anxiety and suicidal thoughts! If you are struggling or having thoughts of suicide, please consult with a trusted adult or doctor, or reach out to the suicide youth line. They are amazing and are always there just for you!
